I am not perfect.
I. Am. Not. Perfect.
Crazy, right?! Actually, I have no problem believing this. I can easily look back at my life and see mistakes and struggles along the way. My past is filled with poor choices.
And honestly, I am ok with that.
The story of my life is not one of perfection, but of grace. I have come to terms with my mistakes and shortcomings because I have seen the love and grace of an amazing God that loves me. So, yes, I have screwed up. Yes, I have regrets. (Anyone that says they have no regrets is selfish… and lying. We all have people that we have hurt and decisions we wish we could take back. Don’t fall for this ‘no regret’ trap. But come to terms with it.) But, through all of this, I know God loves me, cares for me, and has a plan for me. I am not perfect. But that won’t hold me back…
Except when it comes to writing.
And except when it comes to building my platform.
Honestly, this is where I really struggle. See, when I am at home, talking with friends, or dreaming about my future with my wife, this whole perfect thing is never an issue. But as soon as I start writing, it haunts me. I have a goal and a purpose to build this Phosphorus Project. It is my dream to create a place where people can gather to have honest discussion about faith and what it should look like in our world. But when I think about blazing this trail and being the leader of this tribe, I feel completely inadequate.
Who am I to lead? Who am I to tell others what to think? I’m not perfect!
This is what I used to think. I still struggle with this. I thought that I needed to have everything figured out first. I needed to be closer to God than I had ever been in my life. THEN, I can step out. THEN, I can lead people. THEN, I will have arrived.
But if someone else came to me for advice in this same situation, I would tell them they are crazy! Of course you’ll never be good enough! None of us are. Just step out in faith and God will lead you. You don’t have to be perfect, and you never will be. But God uses broken people who are willing to trust Him with their lives.
And that’s the point, really. That is what I need to remember. I am not leading this tribe because I am perfect. I am not the expert Christian that can tell everyone else how to live. No, I am the guy that screwed it all up. I am the guy that still struggles more than anyone else probably realizes. But, I am also the guy who has experienced forgiveness. And love. And grace.
And that is worth writing about. That is worth leading people.
So, no, I am not perfect.
And that’s the point.
What do you struggle with? Leave a comment below about the areas of life that you need love and grace. I would love to connect with you. -Matt